Hi!
I need help, I am not good at expressing my feelings verbally. My coworker's mother died this week. We work in the same department and talk about business, but not really any personal conversations have ever come about. I feel like an idiot right now and try to avoid my coworker just because I don't know what to say or how to handle this situation as it has never really happened to me before...yes I know this is really stupid. How do I express my sympathy to my coworker? What do I say so I can at least acknowledge this? Does anyone have any phrases perhaps? I feel like a dork! Thanks for your kind answers.
When my father died I think that many of my co workers felt like you do now, because many of them didn't even mention it and I felt bad about it.... It made me feel as if they didn't care about what I was going through, even though we weren't close friends. But I guess a little sympathy is always expected and welcome.
In my personal experience, I can tell you that sympathy emails were the best for me. I'm not good at expressing my feelings verbally either, and in that particular situation one becomes even clumsier and feels stupid so I can understand that my co workers probably felt the same way. I didn't enjoy talking about it, either, so it was great to get their support through email, which I could reply without having to *talk* about how I was feeling. This may work for her, or maybe a handwritten note that you will leave on her desk with a candy or a sympathy phrases death拙克力 or whatever... just something thoughtful. I know everyone is different and one poster talked about a guy who preferred not to hear anything about it, but I did appreciate a lot when some co workers were kind enough to send me a few supportive lines. That's just me.
Yeah, if I were him I would definitely like a handwritten note, it's even more personal than email... just make sure to leave it at a safe place so it doesn't get lost before he reads it. Good luck and thanks.
She will truly appreciate you saying something to acknowledge her Mother's passing. You are kind to want to say something, and to reach out to learn how. One or two sentences is all that is necessary.
"I'm sorry to hear about your Mother" is what I generally say.
write a note or make a phone call. Don't hesitate to say or do something, to write a note, to make a phone call or to pay a visit. It really doesn't matter what you say so much
Until this kind of thing happens to you, I seriously recommend acting as normal. Just don't make or laugh at any death oriented jokes no matter how trivial!
A hug and an "I'm sorry for your loss, I hate to imagine what you are going through" would be most appropriate. If they want to talk about it, then they will.
I heard about your mother and I am so sorry for your loss. She might just smile or say something back or not or not respond. Whatever, she makes the next move. If she says she missesympathy phrases deaths her, you can say, I can imagine that must really be sad. I was actually nervous about going back to work after my mom died because I didn't want people coming up to me. Actually, it felt good when they did. Don't say you understand how she feels or give her any advice or tell her any stories about your losses. Just the acknowledgment that you know she had a loss is all that is necessary.
Sometimes after a hard time in someone's life the best thing for you to do is not mention it. When my stepbrother's dad died (his dad was 49) I didn't even mention it, and we hung out like nothing really happened. A few months later he thanked me for it very earnestly because he said everyone else was bugging him about it and I was his only relief in not talking about it. It might just be good to make conversation, but not in the "How's your day?" type of way, more like "Oh did you see what so-and-so was wearing? Can you believe they thought they could pull that fashion off?" Lead the conversation onto other things, maybe something like "Man I hate the way so-and-so walks around here, it's like they have a stick up their you-know-what."
This may or may not work for you, it's just my suggestion. But sometimes people like to hear something normal, as opposed to reliving a great tragedy every time someone asks about it.
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